I haven't had the inspiration to write for some time now. It's most probably the uneasiness that I've been feeling since last December and how I've allowed my emotions to get the best of me. I am still learning to improve on this ; investing too much feelings in friendships and relationships. It is ingrained in me to love deeply and that is the root cause of me feeling out of control when I am disappointed by those who cannot accept me for who I am.
Upon returning from the spiritual journey, I've felt this sense of calmness that I've never experienced before. I didn't get anxious like I used to ; My best friends can probably vouch how I used to get extremely nervous about anything and everything like hyperventilating or have palpitations before a big event like an interview or a stage performance or attending a gathering that I wasn't comfortable with. I've learnt that to a certain extent, things in life are beyond my control. Yes, I can put in the effort but the outcome can sometimes be disappointing.
I learnt to look at it from a different perspective. What if the outcome that I was disappointed in is actually directing me towards something way better for me in the long run? Something that we humans have no knowledge of, one that is only known to our Rabb.
I learnt the proper meaning of Tawakkul ; to have faith that whatever He plans for us is the best of plans. Although there are times when we feel so out of control of our own life, remember that He created us and understands us the best so why would He put us through something that would only bring us harm? I am thankful for the people He has taken out of my life as that was probably the answer to my Duas made in the Holy Land. Although I may not understand why He decided to do that, He is afterall the best of planners.
As a human being, we tend to forget as that is our nature as an insan. I may write this today and a couple of months down the road forget it all over again. May this serve as a reminder to myself first and foremost and whoever else in need of this.
May we always be protected, guided and surrounded by those loved by Him.
