A Fresh New Start

A fresh new start, just what I needed. I decided to delete my first blog that I started way back in 2007. There are times in life when we just decide to move on and not live in the past anymore (or at least try to). 

In early 2013, I suffered a huge heartbreak when I lost my mother. I was a few months short of my 21st birthday, still searching for who I wanted to be, still needed my mother's guidance on how to face the harsh reality of this world we're living in and basically not ready to say goodbye to the biggest influence in my life : my iron lady. The days and months after her demise were draggy, dull, filled with tears and at times like a fast forwarded video tape. There are days when I wake up and tell myself that I must make the most out of today and then there are days when I feel like I am not strong enough to move on, I end up being quite emo, but I never shared it with anyone. I just kept telling myself that one day I'll get over this and things will be okay. I try not to remember that period of time because it was the darkest days of my life. I wouldn't say I immediately turned to Allah for help but I did try to understand the 'hikmah' behind all that was happening. I began to slowly accept that He took her away only to give me an even more valuable gift. 

Alhamdulilah, I am blessed with good girl friends who always check whether I'm okay. Suhaila, Nadia, Airina, my best friends from secondary school. They never fail to lend me an ear if I ever needed someone to talk to. My cousins, Shahnaz and Shamini who would also check up on me from time to time. Other relatives and family friends who would call up to see if I'm coping well, who would send a Whatsapp message to cheer up my day, you know who you are, I'm forever grateful for your support. Maybe this was what Allah wanted to show me, that even if I didn't have a mother, I had these amazing people who really cared for me, who would go that extra mile just to check on me. 

I believe that I'm way better emotionally and spiritually today (1.5 years after her passing) but I'm still on that journey to recovery. I always pray for His guidance for myself and my family, for us to be protected from any harm, for us to be guided to the straight path and for us to be better Muslims as the day passes insya Allah. As the month of Ramadhan approaches in a few days, I would like to take this opportunity to seek forgiveness from any of you if I have unintentionally hurt you through my words or actions. May this month of Ramadhan be better than the previous years. 

With this post written, I feel lighter, I feel like I've said what I've kept in my heart for a long time.  Always remember that Allah loves us and that He knows what is best for us, His timing is never wrong, have faith in Him.