Nearly There Now

I woke up one morning without realising it was results day and found this in my inbox. Imagine how ecstatic I was ! Alhamdulilah, I've been waiting to pass this particular subject : Audit cos it's the driest subject everrrr. Audit's been my "super clingy boyfriend" for quite some time now and I can finally bid goodbye to it. Truthfully, I wasn't confident this time round because it was a tougher paper as compared to the December 2015 seating. Next up, to ace the Financial Reporting & Financial Management papers at the end of the year! Please pray for my success. 

If I could express how I feel with a song, it'd definitely be this one..... I'm on top of the world ayyy! 

A Little Goes A Long Way

At 8.55am this morning, I was at the Kelana Jaya LRT Station reloading my Rapid KL pass at the ticketing machine. While I was halfway through topping up my card, an Indian man who looked like he's in his late 50s approached me. He was holding a RM 1 note in his right hand and a dark coloured duffel bag on his left. 

I ignored him at first and continued my business but he was still standing next to me so I looked up and said "Uncle, sebelah boleh beli" to which he replied "Tamil something" (I didn't catch the second word, I think he meant he can only read Tamil characters) so I said "Sekejap ye, Uncle. Nanti saya tolong Uncle belikan ticket". He nodded.

 Once I was done, I asked him "Uncle, station mana?" He said "Taman Desa" I was thinking to myself I'm very sure there's no Taman Desa station so I asked him again and he said "Satu station" while gesturing with his hand and I said "oh Taman Bahagia ke, Uncle?" He said "ahh, ya, ya". He passed me the RM 1.20 he was holding, I inserted the money into the machine, we waited for the token to be dispensed. I passed it to him and led him to the barrier machine, taught him to scan the token and made sure he was walking with me towards the escalator. He kept saying terima kasih ya, terima kasih ya. 

I wish you well, Uncle. I'm sorry you weren't able to read, I'm sure you had your reasons. I'm sorry I didn't ask you more, I didn't know how to ask properly, I'm afraid that I would hurt your feelings. Next time, maybe next time I will see you again. Till then, take care of yourself and I hope you'll meet a kind soul who would be willing to lend you a hand the next time you need to buy a ticket. I couldn't help but think of him during the whole journey to KLCC to meet my cousin.

Inevitable End

i remember the faces of those who showed up at the masjid
the hugs i received and the endless "be strong"s i heard
overwhelmed by their very presence
i thought i was alone, God proved otherwise
time will heal, they told me
that with each passing day, i'd miss her a little less than before
truth is, the emptiness in my heart cannot be filled
with all that i've seeked ever since

the only consolation i had then was that she is now relieved of agony
one i couldn't bear seeing her go through day after day
ever so patient, even when she was only skin and bones
i'd keep the tears for the night, after i tuck her in bed
i prayed for her inevitable end to come sooner
for i could not bring myself to see her suffer anymore

liyanaalmahdaly 22nd march 2016

Long Way To Go ....

For the past months I found that I'm unable to express myself through words. The journal that I keep in the bookshelf next to the bed is left blank as if there's nothing worth writing in it. Every time something happens instead of expressing it through writing like I used to, I tend to ignore my feelings and find something to distract me from penning down my thoughts. 

Is this some quarter life crisis thing or what? Someone enlighten me please !

I've been thinking about life, reflecting on my past actions, over analysing things, people watching wherever I go and searching for answers to the questions that I've had in my head forever. Waira says I need to stop over thinking and over analysing tiny details in my life before I go haywire but I can't help it! When you put two introverts together the over thinking and over analysing can go really overboard! (That's a lot of overs in a sentence.) I shall stop this rant and write when I next feel like it.

"U.F.O."

Lord I don't know which way I am going
Which way the river gonna flow
It just seems that upstream, I keep rowing
Still got such a long way to go
Still got such a long way to go

Then that light, it's your eye
I know, I swear,
We'll find somewhere the streets are paved with gold
Bullets fly, split the sky
But that's all right, sometimes, sunlight comes streaming through the holes

Oooohhh ooooohh...

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, 

and remember what peace there may be in silence. 

As far as possible, without surrender, 

be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly; 

and listen to others, 

even to the dull and the ignorant; 

they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons; 

they are vexatious to the spirit. 

If you compare yourself with others, 

you may become vain or bitter, 

for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. 

Keep interested in your own career, 

however humble; 

it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, 

for the world is full of trickery. 

But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; 

many persons strive for high ideals, 

and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. 

Especially, do not feign affection. 

Neither be cynical about love; 

for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, 

it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, 

gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. 

But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. 

Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, 

be gentle with yourself. 

You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; 

you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you, 

no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. 

Therefore be at peace with God, 

whatever you conceive Him to be.

And whatever your labors and aspirations, 

in the noisy confusion of life, 

keep peace in your soul. 

With all its sham, 

drudgery and broken dreams, 

it is still a beautiful world. 

Be cheerful. 

Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann (1872 - 1945)

Make Sens(e)?

30th July 2015 12.57am

They tell me "that's how the game is played"

It doesn't make sense to me

Severing ties without batting an eye

Perhaps I will never understand how the game works

Maybe I'm being too naive

But this is the reality

That one has to face

At a certain point in life

This could possibly be why I find it hard to trust people

I've seen enough of loved ones being betrayed

Even by their own blood relative

Why are they so blinded?

Don't they realise that 'all that glitters is not gold' ?

I wonder if they ever stop for a moment and ask themselves

'is it really worth it ?'

Thought this particular section in my bookshelf is an apt background for this piece inspired by the current events as well as happenings in my personal life

I'll Be Back in A Bit

* FINAL EXAM MODE *

Study, Eat, Sleep, Repeat. 

How do I destress?

Eating chocolate, listening to Bach, singing in the shower, spending time with Kemi and cooking up a storm in the kitchen.

A family friend taught me to make Cheesy Potato Bake when he came over for dinner yesterday. I improvised by adding Chilli Padi for that 'extra kick' and some tomatoes. #AsiansWillBeAsians 

See you in a month's time, folks! Take care :)