Dua Puluh Dua Puluh

Hello from 2020! The year we once thought we'd see flying cars and at least one of us in the secondary school group that'd be married. So, there are no flying cars to be seen yet buttttt the good news is not one but TWO of my secondary school friends are getting married in the first quarter of 2020! Couldn't be any happier for both Airina and Haziq yang akan mendirikan masjid bersama pasangan masing2.  Much has happened since the last update and that just makes life an interesting journey with unexpected surprises in between. 

Here's hoping to an awesome start to the decade with lots of room for improvement. May He ease it for us all and grant our prayers.

Uneasy

I haven't had the inspiration to write for some time now. It's most probably the uneasiness that I've been feeling since last December and how I've allowed my emotions to get the best of me. I am still learning to improve on this ; investing too much feelings in friendships and relationships. It is ingrained in me to love deeply and that is the root cause of me feeling out of control when I am disappointed by those who cannot accept me for who I am. 

Upon returning from the spiritual journey, I've felt this sense of calmness that I've never experienced before. I didn't get anxious like I used to ;  My best friends can probably vouch how I used to get extremely nervous about anything and everything like hyperventilating or have palpitations before a big event like an interview or a stage performance or attending a gathering that I wasn't comfortable with. I've learnt that to a certain extent, things in life are beyond my control. Yes, I can put in the effort but the outcome can sometimes be disappointing.

I learnt to look at it from a different perspective. What if the outcome that I was disappointed in is actually directing me towards something way better for me in the long run? Something that we humans have no knowledge of, one that is only known to our Rabb.

I learnt the proper meaning of Tawakkul ; to have faith that whatever He plans for us is the best of plans. Although there are times when we feel so out of control of our own life, remember that He created us and understands us the best so why would He put us through something that would only bring us harm? I am thankful for the people He has taken out of my life as that was probably the answer to my Duas made in the Holy Land. Although I may not understand why He decided to do that, He is afterall the best of planners. 

As a human being, we tend to forget as that is our nature as an insan. I may write this today and a couple of months down the road forget it all over again. May this serve as a reminder to myself first and foremost and whoever else in need of this.

May we always be protected, guided and surrounded by those loved by Him. 

Make the Ordinary Come Alive

Make the Ordinary Come Alive

Do not ask your children

to strive for extraordinary lives.

Such striving may seem admirable,

but it is a way of foolishness.

Help them instead to find the wonder

and the marvel of an ordinary life. 

Show them the joy of tasting

tomatoes, apples and pears.

Show them how to cry

when pets and people die.

Show them the infinite pleasure

in the touch of a hand.

And make the ordinary come alive for them.

The extraordinary will take care of itself.

Ancient Advice for Modern Parents

by William Martin

A post I stumbled upon on Instagram that I feel should be the guide for me when I one day become a parent insyaAllah 

The Days Leading Up To Her Departure Part I

Around this time four years ago, my mother was in the last few weeks of her life. I remember those days clearly. I would cry myself to sleep because I couldn't take the heartache that came with it. I had to mentally prepare myself to a future without her by my side, yet, there was this voice at the back of my head telling me that I shouldn't be pessimistic about it, that I should have faith that she would win the battle just like she did when she was first diagnosed with breast cancer in 1999. My mother on the other hand was such a fighter, never once did she shed a tear despite the pain she had to go through. She told me that God was generous enough to lend her thirteen extra years to see me grow into a young lady so every single day was a bonus for her.  

Only a selected few people knew about her illness when it recurred in June 2012. It was my mother's request not to tell anyone as she didn't have the energy to entertain guests at home. We could no longer keep it under the covers when we were unable to travel down to JB for Hari Raya Puasa celebrations in late August so we had to inform our family that Mum went for an operation (no mention of the big C). We were blessed to have close family and relatives who came to visit  us throughout the month of Aidilfitri as they were worried about her condition. Mum was her usual self ; ever so jovial and concerned of others that there was barely any mention of her sickness. 

As chemotherapy was not an option, we opted for alternative treatments however the cancer was too aggressive and in a matter of four to five months, she was skin and bones due to her inability to consume solid food. Having to travel to these healing centres for treatment left her exhausted and debilitated. She didn't allow me to take any photographs of her saying "wait until I'm better...we'd take all the photos we want in the world". 

I considered deferring my semester so I could spend more time with her but she wasn't supportive of the idea so I juggled studies, caring for her and trying my best to accompany her to the hospital whenever my schedule permits. I remember this particular day when she went in for a nephrostomy procedure where the doctors inserted a stent into her kidneys so that the tubes drain the urine into a bag (we called it her "Gucci and Chanel" bags) as she had ascites (fluid retention in the abdominal area). I had a class I could not miss, F7 Financial Reporting to be exact. I cried silently while holding on to my phone in the lecture theatre while listening to Ms Santha explaining about an IAS for three freaking hours! Gosh what was I thinking? Should have just skipped the class. Right after the class ended, I ran to the foyer waiting for dad to pick me up and head to the hospital. I was relieved of all that anxiety upon entering the room and seeing Mum smile and say "do you like my new bags?". 

To be continued.... *too much tears just recalling those days*

Note :  I contemplated on writing this post for some time now, reason being I didn't want people to think that I'm not over my mother's death and that I'm living in the past but then I thought of every single family member of a cancer patient out there who might need to read about my experience and know that they're not alone in this journey of providing care and support for their loved ones. Feel free to email me if you'd like to share your stories. Sending love and support to you.

Always stay humble and kind

"Your kind words and actions will go into the history books of someone's life"

Every time my kind gestures are not reciprocated in the way that I expect it to be, I try to understand the other person's circumstances. That person was probably not brought up with the same values as I was so it is unfair for me to expect him or her to act in a certain way. I know I know... we all tend to get all frustrated when we're facing this situation but hey let's train ourselves to see the good in others ok?

 For some of us, it's common courtesy to smile to a stranger, hold the door for the person behind us, to allow others to exit a lift/train before entering, help an elderly person who seems to be struggling, to text a person asking if he/she has arrived home safely etc unfortunately some of these actions are misinterpreted as an attempt to flirt.

I once received a comment from a relative saying "minat kat orang tu ke?" when he overheard me wishing Selamat Hari Raya to this poor guy who was working at a petrol station on the first day of Raya. I couldn't comprehend the comment as to me that wish could have made the cashier feel appreciated especially on a day like Hari Raya. Some of these comments that people make are unnecessary and can hurt a person's feelings. If you have nothing nice to say, it's best not to say anything at all.

A simple act of kindness does wonders especially on days when things aren't going our way. Be kind to each and every person you encounter (or at the very least try to) as we're all fighting battles others might not know about. It doesn't hurt to be kind, that's for sure.

We need more songs that carry a message like this one

Down Memory Lane

22nd September 2016

It's one of those nights when I revisit songs from the secondary school era to accompany my late night study sessions. This time round I chanced upon the song Pupus on Youtube and you know how one ends up listening to the rest of the songs in the artiste's repertoire. During my early teenage years, I was very much into Indonesian bands like Dewa 19, Sheila on 7, Peterpan, Kerispatih, Samsons, Letto, Nidji etc.

In fact, the first outdoor stadium concert that I was allowed to attend was one by Peterpan at Stadium Merdeka a decade ago when I was 14. It rained cats and dogs on the day of the concert that we were drenched by the end of the night.  I kept the nearly damaged ticket to mark the beginning of my concert going days (siap sellotape balik elok elok okay!).

Once's vocals can melt the hearts of ladies out there

The sound of the Mandolin and the lyrics <3 

These were the songs that slowly sparked my interest in lyric writing (first) then songwriting. I remember writing lyrics on the blank page of my exam papers while waiting for the exams to end. I had to erase it off before handing in the papers for marking. Those were the days of cheesy 'cinta monyet' lyrics I wrote based on my friends' love stories. Imagine having your BM or English language teacher reading those unrelated stuff on the last page of the exam sheets they hand out to students. Malu weih! *sambil imagine muka Cik Adilah or Puan Zubaidah reading my jiwang lyrics * Never know...they might have brilliant lyric ideas to contribute kan? 

My late mother loved Indonesian music and I remember seeing her collection of cassettes comprising keronchong songs by Hetty Koes Endang as well as Bob Tutupoli and Broery Marantika's albums.
Whenever we went for karaoke, she would select the Benci Tapi Rindu song that it's now become a habit of mine to select the song and sing it in her memory. I guess that's how the love for Indonesian songs rubbed off on me.

23rd September 2016

This is how we ACCA students roll on a Friday night yo!

I uploaded this on my Instagram story and received a DM from Airina saying she was about to upload a similar photo of her studying for her Masters. I immediately thought of our SPM motivation song : OAG's Generasiku and replied "Segalanya dalam genggaman, Walau apa pun takkan menjadi halangan!". Yes, that's how we motivated each other to study in Form 5. Seven years down the road, we're still listening to the same song to motivate us to study. The power of a well written song.  Can't thank the songwriters enough for these amazing songs that we can still relate to at different points in our life. 

Indahnya dunia ketika kita muda remaja !

Not forgetting Faizal Tahir's Gemuruh 

"Segalanya pastikan terbukti nanti!"

Baiklah, back to studying. I shall try to blog more often from now. Selamat malam, folks!

Nearly There Now

I woke up one morning without realising it was results day and found this in my inbox. Imagine how ecstatic I was ! Alhamdulilah, I've been waiting to pass this particular subject : Audit cos it's the driest subject everrrr. Audit's been my "super clingy boyfriend" for quite some time now and I can finally bid goodbye to it. Truthfully, I wasn't confident this time round because it was a tougher paper as compared to the December 2015 seating. Next up, to ace the Financial Reporting & Financial Management papers at the end of the year! Please pray for my success. 

If I could express how I feel with a song, it'd definitely be this one..... I'm on top of the world ayyy!